spring cleaning and balance.

i woke up this morning with a deep motivation for spring cleaning. i'm ready for open windows, the scent of freshly laundered cotton, & sunshine.

and instead of doing the normal effie routine of attacking cleaning head on: pulling out all of the contents in every cabinet in one day, getting frustrated & giving up by 4pm, i am going to try something different.

i'm going to pace myself and recognize that i am the mother of three small children! my default response of fierce determination and stubbornness to complete a task does not typically allow for making "snack plates", kissing boo-boos, cleaning up spills, refereeing fights or comforting after a tumble. being an extreme gal, i've tended to give up on big projects since theodore has been here, since i can't complete them in a way i want to.

and that's not right either! so, today i'm going to try this new thing, and find balance.

balance has been popping up all over my life lately, and it's crucial. there must be a middle path, & i'm going to find it. i'm determined to do so :)

change and worry and letting go.

i have a problem. my problem is that i make elaborate, detailed plans, and fully expect things to go as i plan them. and this rarely works out. and i'm learning that i cannot control things like the weather, and phones getting ruined, and lovey working like a madman.

this week is not going as we planned, not at all, and it's not fun. but i can either be angry and let it ruin things even more, or i can breathe and let it happen. because i'm certainly not changing anything.

so, i'm going with it. i'm letting things happen. and i'm not going to have canker sores and knotted muscles because of snow. or because i'm concerned that someone might be mad at me. or because we're all out of whack with our schedule and the kids are staying up to late and sleeping in too late. there is nothing i can do. i know the snow is out of my hands, i know i've done nothing remotely malicious to upset anyone and if they are upset, it's their own problem. i know that the girls are missing their daddy and trying to stay up to see him. so i'm letting it all go, and it's nice.

i miss my lovey. he is working from 3pm-3am everyday, which means he gets home around 3:45 and sleeps til he has to go to work. and the kids are missing him, violette climbed up on my lap the nite before last and said "i'm just lonely for my daddy". me too, baby.

but this chaos can't last forever. & i'm going to be overjoyed when things are settled back down.

i have hundreds of pictures to upload, but our computer freezes when i attempt to put them up, so it looks like i'll have to make a day of it in february, when we get our new one. i'm still doing project: 365, there's just no evidence :)

i'm off to go play with my new mixer & cookie sheets, i think we could all use a sweet treat!

thursday things and some.

it's been the rainiest fall this year, and rainy days mean, for us, daddy is home. it seems like daddy has been home for the last 2 weeks, which has been 3 parts spectacular adventure and 1 part wreckage of our routine. things like housekeeping and big projects don't sound nearly as much fun as tucking away for an afternoon nap, watching foggy drizzle slide down the window. or a cabin fever inspired jaunt around the block just before supper. or knitting, reading, and talking mornings into afternoons into evenings. however, today, daddy is back at work, and i'm staring at this mess... but it's not horrifying me as it once would have. instead, i'm content with the playing that occurred. and grateful for the opportunity to thank the universe for each member of my family as i put away emma's books and crayons and papers, violette's teddy bears and dolls, theodore's blankets and toys, lovey's books, chewed up bottle caps, and socks.

my thursday things will be a bit different today, i want to remember this feeling of gratitude i'm basking in right now. so here are my thankfuls for today:

-the green-ness of green
-baby's hands & affection
-my sweater, growing row by row
-lovey's browns, lovey's reading face, oh! all of lovey
-violette's independence, rivaling rudolph's
-emma's all-knowing vocabulary (she told my mom the other evening, when mama was having a hard time with the carseats: "well, maybe you made the wrong selection")
-good folk songs
-big laughs
-project inspiration
-our home
-drizzle and the word "drizzle"
-"basin"
-the gift of language
-the overwhelming scent of clove.
-pumpkin cobbler
-reading in bed
-tea, especially chamomile
-paper maiche messes
-hopes of a handmade christmas
-approaching holidays and time with family and friends
-this feeling of being surrounded by love and goodness

poo-poo the naysayers, life is good and beautiful. it all depends on where you're looking. i'm making this promise, right now. i will stop entertaining the ideas there are devils lurking around every corner, hidden mean-ness in uttered words. there is enough darkness out there without my creating new drama. and when i'm full of gratitude and light, there is simply no room for the darkness. (and we all know dark is just an absence of light, an illusion.)

blogging & narcissism & why.

while washing the dishes today- (i always have the best thoughts and conversations with myself and the divine while washing the dishes) i found myself thinking about blogging, and how it seems like such a tribute to ones self, writing all of these thoughts out for the world, as if anyone really wants to read my personal thoughts? and then i started wondering why do i have this blog? what are my intentions with it? because i certainly don't need something in my life that could add to my self diagnosed delusions of grandeur. and it was going downhill fast, almost to the point where i break out with the figurative flogging...

and then i stopped the self deprecating attitude and the false piety, and thought... i blog because i enjoy it. because it's a way to communicate and share stories and have a 'snapshot' of my day and what i'm feeling at any particular time. and because it's fun. because it's different from my "analog" journal, where i work out my mental kinks and spiritual crises, this is my place to be positive and peaceful.

so, there's that.

admittedly, it's a bit difficult for me, putting stuff OUT THERE.. i'm quite a private gal. and to be honest- it feels a bit immodest, what with all the pictures and 'frivolous' lists and links. (i am such a snobbish prude. seriously, i am!) i don't even know where i'm going with all of this. i think it's bed time.

but i'm curious to see, if you have a blog, why is it that you blog? and if you don't, why not? any reason in particular? the internet fascinates me.

oh, & by the way! you should watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOtEQB-9tvk

i had plans...

to write a long and lovely post about the end of summer and standing between the seasons and just how beautiful it all is. however, tonite is not the nite for that. maybe tomorrow.

tonite, i have a sink full of dirty dishes, a to-do list with absolutely nothing checked off, a husband and baby asleep and two little girls so full of piss & vinegar they don't know what to do with themselves.

tonite, i'm feeling crabby, flabby, out of sync, and tired.

tonite, i had planned to sew, create, journal, and cook a fantastic meal of chicken & dumplings with rolls and veggies - we had pancakes.

tonite, i'm resolved to wake up early in the morning, & take care of myself first. because it's not a pleasant feeling when it's 5 pm, and lovey's on his way home from work, and i realize i'm still wearing my pajamas.

tonite, i'm debating whether i should drink the last of the coffee and clean like a madwoman or go ahead and call it a nite.

tonite, i realize that this is the time when i need to be here now, and breathe in and out and let the fullness of the frustration flow through and out of me.

and emma just came running out the kitchen screeching "mommy, i learned a new trick". and i'm off to put into practice breathing and being, as i'm 95% certain i will not be impressed with this "new trick".

as of late...

i've been feeling very creative and domestic lately, it's quite exciting. my brother hung up a clothesline for me, i've been wanting one for ages. it's a nice little break, going out to hang up and take down the clothes, a little pocket of time to breathe and just be. and it's nice have fresh smelling clothes, and no more button burns! (our dryer is the most HOT dryer ever, which is nice when you're in a hurry, but holy moly metal buttons can get quite burny!)

i've also been sewing a lot: a purse for myself, bedtime bags for the girls, a clothespin bag, a felt block for the baby, and on today's agenda is a camera strap and perhaps pillowcase dresses for the girls. the only downside is burning through my sewing notions quite rapidly!

emma has been writing her letters and numbers very well, lately she's been making up words. today she's changed her name to "ohib" and she's writing it on everything. the other day she got down one of our bird books and drew a bird and copied down the word "bird", so precious.

violette's latest thing is sorting granny squares by color. she will play by herself for hours, making stacks and arranging lovely towers and castles.

theodore is trying very hard to roll over, he gets to his side successfully, but getting that crazy arm out of the way is quite a hassle for him. poor little bunny is having a hard day today, he's very sleepy but refusing to sleep. it doesn't help that his sisters think he needs his music box started as soon as he falls asleep!

well, it's quiet time for now, off to get the girls settled in their room and the sewing machine out :)

friday nite was super fun, save for the bizarre crowd. how can you stand still while the psalters and mewithoutyou are playing? so silly. brady pointed out you can't dance when you have fancy cameras and phones on your person, obviously. mewithoutyou is the best, though. i seriously wanted to put them in my pocket and bring them home. well played and inspired music, hurray! their sufi vibe is pretty good, too. :)

speaking of sufi, i'm reading a fabulous book on the subject: the sufis. well, it's taking me quite some time to finish as i don't have the same kind of allotted reading time as i used to. but i'm getting through it! and every page is totally resonating.

confession: i'm a heavily active participant in marginalia. i underline, write in the margins, edit, what have you. and i'm loving this sufi book so much, well, basically the whole book is underlined.

is there anything better than tracking a package? i think not. i have several books on the way, and i'm obsessively refreshing. (the creative family and the handmade home, both by amanda soule)

well, i'm off to set my timer and work on my bedroom. the flylady and i are on again.

happy monday, friends. beautiful day to you all!

thursday things.

-hilarious news story.
-awesome photo story of solar eclipse
-tasty kitchen! go check out vanessa's FEATURED cupcakes :)
-this guy has no use for money. go him!
-tasty new recipe

sunflower spinach pie
(adapted from mom's guide to meal makeovers)

1 tbsp olive oil
1 1/2 cups spinach
1 tsp dried italian seasoning
1 garlic clove, minced
5 large eggs, beaten
1 1/2 cups cooked brown rice
2/3 cup cheddar cheese
1/2 cup milk
2/3 cup parmesan, divided
1/4 cup roasted, shelled sunflower seeds
1/2 tsp salt
1 9 inch pie shell

preheat oven to 375
stir together everything but 1/3 cup of parmesan, pour into pie shell.
top with remaining parmesan and cook 30-35 minutes.

-still a favorite

good stuff.

this post could not have come at a better time for me. i so need to take it to heart. no more complaining!

my new mantra: can i change this? if the answer is no, just let it go.

gratitude:
-i know it's cliche, but i'm so grateful for my babies, and that they're happy and healthy.
-my vacuum cleaner isn't broken!
-the delicious supper we had (chicken and zucchini fajitas with homemade salsa! and zucchini bread for dessert... yum!)
-the gigantic zucchini and squash lovey brought home
-getting my flickr organized. i felt so accomplished when i was done. (thanks to h4ppy photos, it was much easier than i anticipated.)
-lovey is off work tomorrow!!!! we haven't had a real weekend in ages, so i'm very excited.

today.

instead of folding laundry, which i so did not do last nite, i'm uploading and organizing tons of pictures on flickr. i can do that one-handed while nursing, laundry is another story! and since theodore seems to be in a serious growth spurt, i'm looking for a lot of one-handed tasks.

the fourth of july is a "holiday" i don't really enjoy. and not because i'm all anarchy or whatever, but because homemade ice cream and fireworks don't entertain me at all. i mean, i could spout reasons for why we shouldn't celebrate christmas, easter, thanksgiving... but i like those holidays. or more accurately, i like how america celebrates the holidays and traditions they've "borrowed". i'm just saying, don't expect a patriotic HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY post on saturday.

i love cloth diapering. it's immensely satisfying, and there is nothing like unloading a bunch of warm fluff straight from the dryer. surprisingly, diapers are the only laundry i like :)

since it's out there now, we've been having church at our house recently. it's just been us and my family, but our doors are always open to anyone who finds their way here. we don't have bulletins or 3 points and a poem, but it's certainly not just hanging out. we usually have supper together around 6:30-7:00, and then talk about what's going on. topics have ranged from what's going on with everyone's lives to how, specifically, do you hear from god to sitting around the computer playing games on sporcle. okay, that last one only happened once, and it was before dinner :)

nap time for baby, commence super fast cleaning marathon!

remember...

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow,
For babies grow up, I've learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm nursing my baby, and babies don't keep.
-Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

not much to say...

trying to keep everyone fed, clean and slightly happy, it's a big task.
housework? hah. i do a 20 minute run around like a crazy woman stashing things and picking up the actual garbage and whatnot before brady gets home from work. this is not in my schedule written up in my google documents, not at all.
after all day nursing marathons, preschoolers screaming and destroying everything in sight (and otherwise) and attempting to cook and tidy up, i don't have the energy to think, let alone blog. then it's nurse all nite long and "wake up" to do it all again.
never really awake, and never really asleep.
i'll figure this out, i really will. it just takes a bit of tweaking and adjusting.

in other news, i weighed the baby yesterday- he's up to 9 pounds! 2 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks! pretty stoked about that.

well, it's breakfast time. violette wants popsicles.

oh beautiful morning.

finally "back to myself'"- i feel good.

last nite, my little family was sleeping, save f0r emma and i. we colored pictures, chatted about everything and had a great time together.

last nite, i was sitting on the front porch and recognized every thing in my life i'm truly grateful for. and i prayed for sad situations, and i hoped that things would all work themselves out, as things tend to do. and i felt so renewed and peaceful.

last nite, i cleaned the kitchen. i hadn't cleaned my kitchen in probably over a month. (thank you, mama and lovey!!) i cannot express how fulfilling it was to wash the dishes and wipe down the counters. i missed the kitchen, the heart of our home.

today is going to be magnificent.

in other news, i finished reading pygmy by chuck palahniuk. he's definitely got the chuck spark back! i was sorely disappointed in the last few that have come out (snuff, haunted...) so, it was nice to read a good chuck book, in all it's gore and slime and hilarity.

what great timing! speaking of slime, the baby just exploded a diaper on my lap, off to start my day!

(check out my project 365 on flickr.)

favorites.

here are a few of my favorite spots in our home, welcome in:




if you wanna play along, show me your coziest, favorite place in your home too!

list-love.

things i'll miss when i'm no longer pregnant.
-having a really nifty "shelf" for folding laundry
-playing "poke the baby" and having it kick back
-cracking up at the crazy alien baby movements... watch out for twilight baby, though.
-having an excuse for awful food choices. frozen pizzas and jelly bellies are highly nutritional...
-being able to nap in the afternoon, i've only ever been able to sleep in the daytime during the last month of pregnancy

my contractions have slowed down a lot today, for which i'm very grateful. i can definitely handle two more weeks of this. i realized today i'm due on memorial day, here's hoping i don't have a holiday baby.

hooray for nesting and newfound energy, 3 loads of laundry done and pizza dough rising for supper.

i really want to know: what are you having/what did you have for dinner?