blessings abound!

praise god, from whom all blessings flow;
praise him, all creatures here below;
praise him above, ye heavenly host;
praise father, son, and holy ghost.

blessings have flown freely from the universe & the divine as of late, and i'm so grateful.

i had been stressed about the baby's diapers, he's outgrown most of the diapers i had. i was pinning the very tips of the corners of his prefolds to get them to stay on, and the covers were barely covering his little booty. yesterday, my friend vanessa brought by her whole stash of diapers, which are all the next sizes up and will get us through months and months of diapering.

my novel has been at a stand-still for the past few days, i haven't time or inspiration to write or work on it. i was feeling very depressed and sorry for myself about it, but this morning i woke up with all kinds of ideas and i'm just itching for the chance to get it all out. (nap time, kidlets?)

my lovey is an OU football fan, kind of big time. he was given a ticket for the game tomorrow nite, so we're pretty excited about that.

what have you been blessed with lately? always remember: the universe is conspiring to shower YOU with blessings!

bear with me, friends.

i've got some unloading to do. it's been far too long since i've posted something real, and i miss that.

things have been topsy-turvy weird the past little bit. i've written nearly thirteen thousand words for nanowrimo. 2 weeks ago, i would have laughed in your face if you told me i would even consider writing a novel. here i am, though.

i switched the lens on the camera sunday, my mama has been encouraging me to do so for a while now. and the truth is, i was scared of it. terrified of a few more inches length. but, i did it. and i think the pictures i've taken with it look different, a little bit better. i like them anyhow. it's got a lot of fancy zoom action, which i enjoy. i can get shots of the kids when they don't know i'm taking a picture and i can catch them acting naturally, instead of posed. i really don't like taking posed photos, it seems fraudulent to me. i want to catch the act, if that makes sense. and the fancy lens allows that.

i've been feeling very open and creative the past few days. incredibly full and juicy. and it's a nice feeling.

i have a new favorite band. it's everything i've always looked for in music. it's the music i want to make. it makes me tear up with joy: half-handed cloud.

spirituality has been a major theme for me the past few days. i've prayed and sang and believed. i haven't felt this way in a very long time. and it's so beautiful. if this the opiate for the masses, count me in.

also, how are you? i truly want to know.

love, love, love,
effie

my prayer for today, and every day.

this clipping fell out of a bible that we have, it first belonged to my great-great grandfather.

thursday things and some.

it's been the rainiest fall this year, and rainy days mean, for us, daddy is home. it seems like daddy has been home for the last 2 weeks, which has been 3 parts spectacular adventure and 1 part wreckage of our routine. things like housekeeping and big projects don't sound nearly as much fun as tucking away for an afternoon nap, watching foggy drizzle slide down the window. or a cabin fever inspired jaunt around the block just before supper. or knitting, reading, and talking mornings into afternoons into evenings. however, today, daddy is back at work, and i'm staring at this mess... but it's not horrifying me as it once would have. instead, i'm content with the playing that occurred. and grateful for the opportunity to thank the universe for each member of my family as i put away emma's books and crayons and papers, violette's teddy bears and dolls, theodore's blankets and toys, lovey's books, chewed up bottle caps, and socks.

my thursday things will be a bit different today, i want to remember this feeling of gratitude i'm basking in right now. so here are my thankfuls for today:

-the green-ness of green
-baby's hands & affection
-my sweater, growing row by row
-lovey's browns, lovey's reading face, oh! all of lovey
-violette's independence, rivaling rudolph's
-emma's all-knowing vocabulary (she told my mom the other evening, when mama was having a hard time with the carseats: "well, maybe you made the wrong selection")
-good folk songs
-big laughs
-project inspiration
-our home
-drizzle and the word "drizzle"
-"basin"
-the gift of language
-the overwhelming scent of clove.
-pumpkin cobbler
-reading in bed
-tea, especially chamomile
-paper maiche messes
-hopes of a handmade christmas
-approaching holidays and time with family and friends
-this feeling of being surrounded by love and goodness

poo-poo the naysayers, life is good and beautiful. it all depends on where you're looking. i'm making this promise, right now. i will stop entertaining the ideas there are devils lurking around every corner, hidden mean-ness in uttered words. there is enough darkness out there without my creating new drama. and when i'm full of gratitude and light, there is simply no room for the darkness. (and we all know dark is just an absence of light, an illusion.)

lovey day!

7 years ago today i went to a show. and at this show, there was a certain boy i'd had my eye on. and he said "hi lauren", apparently several times. and since he has always spoken very quietly, i didn't hear him. thankfully, a friend said "hey lauren! i think brady is trying to tell you something"... and i perked up considerably and thought "BRADY?! WHERE?!" and i looked up and saw him. and there was this thing, this electric, magnetic, knowing thing. and from that point onward, we were lovies.

we sat on the steps of a beautiful church and talked about big things, little things, everything. we knew that we were inseparable, the new robert and elizabeth barret browning.

and in the last 7 years, we've changed, grown up, gotten married, had babies, and watched our family blossom. but what hasn't changed is the fact that we are always have been and always will be lovies.

i'm now in love with a man, a strong, loving, kind and gracious man. a blue collar working class hero, at the same time a bohemian writer beat poet hippie.

and i know that we were created with the other in mind, and that we are 2 pieces that fit together in the giant puzzle of the universe.

and i know that we will live out our days in peace and joy, and we will always be together.

and i know that when it's time, i will follow him into the dark.

belief & convictions.

(i wrote this last fall, here is the updated version.)

my core beliefs and convictions, at the moment:

-knowing myself, and being honest with myself at every turn. also, not looking to others to fulfill me or complete my life. my family and friends are beautiful enhancements, not mine to clutch & cling to.

-loving my husband and children to the fullest capacity. my first earthly priority is to them and their well-being.

-living my life as a spiritual seeker. i will not get bogged down by theories and theologies. i will love and live as according to christ's words in the new testament, and also all of the other prophets and saints i've encountered along the way, ranging from my children to buddha.

-living a creative and art-filled life, and attempting to bring beauty and love to every space i am in.

-parenting gently and kindly. i respect my children as people, as individuals. they are not property - they do not "belong" to me. i refuse to hit them in any manner, i will not belittle them or talk down to them. i believe that their behavior is less important than they're entire being, and when they act out, i will find the root cause. i am committed to their health and well being, i will do whatever i feel is best for them, even if it causes me temporary discomfort or opposition. (breastfeeding, co-sleeping, not vaccinating, homeschooling...)

-living my life as an individual, i believe that we are all made different and have a unique spark of the divine within us. we are of no use when we are all trying to look, act and live life the same way.

-not supporting the beast of mammon. money should mean very little, if anything. some folks are so concerned about currency it's a disease, an epidemic. basic human needs are air, food, water, shelter, warmth (clothing) and love. i do not need to keep up with the joneses to feel like a human. i can live without new clothes and cable television (or television altogether!)

-refusing to consume the garbage spewed by major media and the entertainment industry. i don't need my creativity, peace, truth, and beauty attacked on a regular basis!

-creating peace. i do not support any violence or war. i believe in turning the other cheek and loving one's enemies as christ did. (interesting thing here, if christians are so militantly anti-terrorist, should we not then cut paul's books out of the new testament, as he was a converted terrorist.)

-being 100% honest at all times. lying is the most unpardonable thing to me. i have zero tolerance, sympathy, or time for untruth.

-living simply & mindfully, "use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"

-being grateful at all times. there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for, always.

a few thoughts i've had stewing.

setting my intention: every morning, i've been declaring my intentions for the day. not so much a "to-do list", but more of setting the tone. as of late, i've been focused on respecting all life, and treating every breathing thing with the tenderness i would appreciate all breathing things to treat me with. i've noticed a marked difference in my response to things like red sharpie all over the fridge, a skein of yarn cut up, you know, things children do out of curiosity. i've actually been thankful for these opportunities, so i can test out my new found patience. i keep thinking it's a fluke, it's so hard to have faith in oneself.

academia: a few quotes. i think everyone knows where i stand on the subject :)

"but it is inherent in scholastic thinking that something written down has a greater validity than something said or experienced." - idries shah

"if you want to get laid, go to college. if you want an education, go to the library." - frank zappa

wealth and abundance: always a struggle, but it's really been not sitting well with my being the last few days. how on earth can followers of christ have anything other than contentment and joy in the now? i've read and heard so many greedy christians lately, and it confuses me. i truly believe that the wealth and abundance talked about in the bible has absolutely nothing to do with material things and possessions, and everything to do with love and relationships. you cannot serve both god and mammon! i think mewithoutyou says it best:

"if i come without a thing, i've come with all i need."

friday nite was super fun, save for the bizarre crowd. how can you stand still while the psalters and mewithoutyou are playing? so silly. brady pointed out you can't dance when you have fancy cameras and phones on your person, obviously. mewithoutyou is the best, though. i seriously wanted to put them in my pocket and bring them home. well played and inspired music, hurray! their sufi vibe is pretty good, too. :)

speaking of sufi, i'm reading a fabulous book on the subject: the sufis. well, it's taking me quite some time to finish as i don't have the same kind of allotted reading time as i used to. but i'm getting through it! and every page is totally resonating.

confession: i'm a heavily active participant in marginalia. i underline, write in the margins, edit, what have you. and i'm loving this sufi book so much, well, basically the whole book is underlined.

is there anything better than tracking a package? i think not. i have several books on the way, and i'm obsessively refreshing. (the creative family and the handmade home, both by amanda soule)

well, i'm off to set my timer and work on my bedroom. the flylady and i are on again.

happy monday, friends. beautiful day to you all!

birthdays galore!

today is my baby brother's birthday. except he's turning 18 and not a baby at all. i have a habit of telling my siblings they are all my favorite, something i learned from my mama. and they really are all my favorite for different reasons. jed is my favorite because he makes me giggle with his hilarious sense of humor, and because he has awesome hair :) and because he has such a sweet and sensitive heart. so happy birthday, jed, i hope you recognize how special you are to all of us.

today is also our nieces birthday party, a big yearly event. they've got water slides and all kinds of fun stuff, so the girls are pretty excited. and i'm excited because cheri has taken pictures of our family the past 2 years, so i'm hoping to get some cute shots of all of us. i don't think we even have a photo of all of us together with theodore!

if you are the praying kind, please remember my papa today. he is doing the funeral for the baby in the story i posted thursday. it's going to be a hard day for him, i'm sure. he could use all the thoughts and prayers you could spare, as well as the family involved. i've been praying peace, mercy, and compassion towards them all.

i hope everyone has a wonderful today, what are your weekend plans?

my problem with "art".

i've always been a wary of* "art" and those who claim to be "artists" of any stripe. and while i've never quite been able to put my finger on just why that is, tonite i received great clarity on the matter.

i've been thinking about this lately and i think it's that most people with a gift, or "skills", as the case may be, seem to enjoy putting down, or simply pointing out the flaws of, those without the same gifts or "skills". i know i'm so guilty of doing this. if i happen across a knitted object where the purl stitch was done backwards and caused the stockinette stitch to be twisted, i giggle and smile a smug smile of knowing. knowing the difference in knit and purl. knowing what stockinette stitch is. knowing that i'm right, and this object is so wrong. the sad thing is, i don't know.

i don't know if this is the first item that this particular person has knitted. and if they saw my smug smile, or heard my careless comments, they could be discouraged and not pick up knitting again. or this person may know full well that their knitting is twisted and they like it that way! there are many things i don't know, but acting this way only shows that i do know critical judgment, cynicism and pride*.

and this is especially important for those of us that claim to follow the ways of Christ. ^{Hebrews 3: 13} says "but encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." yes, i'm taking it out of context, but i think is so important that we encourage each other. and it's hard, i get it. it's way easier to make fun of something than it is to say "hey, that is awesome, you GO for making this!" (especially if someone is still in the learning phase, and their stuff sucks.) i mean, it's cheesy and oh so pollyanna to be nice, but it matters.

and guess what, instead of getting butthurt about my crappy n00b photography and giving up(which i really want to do. i admit, my panties are in a bit of a twist right now) i'm going to keep on snapping. and trying to get better. and i'm going to keep posting my pictures, because i'm proud of myself for doing something.

and hey! guess who else did something. my BFF vanessa. she did something i would never, ever do. because i'm scared of criticism and sharing my heart. but she's not! and we all get to experience something sweet and beautiful because of it. go check out nessa singing a lovely song and be blessed by her pretty voice and her sense of daring. i know i am.

so, let's all go make something beautiful and encourage someone attempting something new. and maybe soon we can all become artists and creators and reflections of the great creator we're supposed to be.

*1. and, conflictingly, drawn towards, but that's for another day.
*2. yes, i'm aware that this whole post was spurred on by critical judgment and cynicism... to quote hank hill: "it's called a double standard, bobby, live with it."

lastly, i apologize for the insane amount of run-on sentences that i seem to be so fond of writing.

it's not you, really, it's me.

the craziest thing occurs when i've just given birth, i want to hide. seriously, being a hermit never sounds like such a good idea until i'm a week postpartum. i want to turn off my phone, computer, and any other device i can be reached at, and simply vanish for a few weeks. and i know how absolutely selfish this sounds, and that makes me feel awfully guilty. so, i just want to let everyone know, i'm not ignoring you on purpose, it's just these crazy hormones. in a few weeks, i'll emerge as myself. until then, though, you might want to steer clear.

in other news, things are going well. we are adjusting to having one more person in the clan. it's give and take and cries and giggles, but it's going to be just fine.

it's summer in OK! holy moly, it's hot.

lastly, i've been feeling a bit down and not quite normal the last few days, (i DID just give birth a week ago hah) so here is my bit of hope.

"I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his children begging for bread." -ps. 37:25

welcome theodore welcome!

after several intense weeks of waiting, theodore is here.

friday afternoon, i was dilated to a 6 and contracting, but not progressing. at which point my midwife, anne, offered 2 options: pitocin or resting. i will admit, it was difficult to turn down the pitocin, but i didn't want to do something i would regret and i'm certain i would have regretted that choice. i slept from about 2 to 5, and when i woke up, brady and i went on a date. we went to craig's emporium and got incense, then to mcdonalds. (an interesting & unlikely craving, but i wanted it bad!) after mcdonalds, we walked over to dollar tree, where we picked up random items and had fun together. during this time, my contractions had changed and it was getting more difficult to pretend like they weren't there.

we came home and the girls were back from playing with my family. mom had them bathed and ready for bed. i laid on the couch at some point, and worked through my contractions. i got up around 11:30 or so, and headed upstairs to be with brady. he was sleeping, so i didn't wake him, and just laid on the bed, laboring. at 1, i had to use the bathroom and came down and realized that, for certain, the baby was coming. i told mom, who had stayed to help with the girls, to call anne and tell her the baby is coming and she needed to get here.

i went upstairs and woke up brady, which took several tries, since i'd called wolf before :) he got up and started getting things ready, and anne arrived at about 1:15. (so i'm told, the exact times escape me, since i was in a pretty heavy place.) anne got upstairs and started setting up her supplies. i started feeling the urge to bear down, and she checked me. i had a lip of cervix left, which she held out of the way and then it was time to push! at some point, i'd had brady turn on hosanna by the psalters, which was perfect.

during the second to last push, i was getting very worn out, but i reached down and touched his head, which gave me quite a renewed vigor :) i was grinning like a maniac during the last push, and i caught him at 1:40 a.m.

i flipped him over and we saw he was a boy, it was a joyous moment! Psalm 37: 4 - Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

he immediately started rooting around and latched on perfectly. we moved over to the bed and got comfy, and he continued nursing. after a bit, anne checked him and weighed him. he was 7 lbs 1 oz, and 20 1/2 inches long. tiny, compared to emma and violette, but perfect! in tradition, grammy dressed him for the first time, and then he was passed around and fawned over. many phone calls occured, and a lot of joy was shared.

emma woke up and met him, and decided she'd like him better in the morning. anne went home and we went to bed, though we didn't sleep too much :)

brady put it quite succinctly: "he is theodore, and he is perfect."

blessed is he who comes in the name of the lord!