change of plans.

dear effie,
you can not do it all.
sincerely, effie

my etsy won't be opening in february, after all. in the 17 days of january, i've completed crocheting 1/2 of an orange, 1/2 of a peach and a plum. and i'm okay with that, but when i say "i'm opening a shop in february" and i don't open a shop in february, does that make me a liar? or does it simply mean that i am not a super woman, nor capable of bending space and time to accommodate my whims?

and i'm not saying i won't be opening my shop, it's just on a different timeline than i'd like. it may open in june, or next february... i don't know. but i'm not going to beat myself up over it, that's for sure.

bear with me, friends.

i've got some unloading to do. it's been far too long since i've posted something real, and i miss that.

things have been topsy-turvy weird the past little bit. i've written nearly thirteen thousand words for nanowrimo. 2 weeks ago, i would have laughed in your face if you told me i would even consider writing a novel. here i am, though.

i switched the lens on the camera sunday, my mama has been encouraging me to do so for a while now. and the truth is, i was scared of it. terrified of a few more inches length. but, i did it. and i think the pictures i've taken with it look different, a little bit better. i like them anyhow. it's got a lot of fancy zoom action, which i enjoy. i can get shots of the kids when they don't know i'm taking a picture and i can catch them acting naturally, instead of posed. i really don't like taking posed photos, it seems fraudulent to me. i want to catch the act, if that makes sense. and the fancy lens allows that.

i've been feeling very open and creative the past few days. incredibly full and juicy. and it's a nice feeling.

i have a new favorite band. it's everything i've always looked for in music. it's the music i want to make. it makes me tear up with joy: half-handed cloud.

spirituality has been a major theme for me the past few days. i've prayed and sang and believed. i haven't felt this way in a very long time. and it's so beautiful. if this the opiate for the masses, count me in.

also, how are you? i truly want to know.

love, love, love,
effie

thursday things and some.

it's been the rainiest fall this year, and rainy days mean, for us, daddy is home. it seems like daddy has been home for the last 2 weeks, which has been 3 parts spectacular adventure and 1 part wreckage of our routine. things like housekeeping and big projects don't sound nearly as much fun as tucking away for an afternoon nap, watching foggy drizzle slide down the window. or a cabin fever inspired jaunt around the block just before supper. or knitting, reading, and talking mornings into afternoons into evenings. however, today, daddy is back at work, and i'm staring at this mess... but it's not horrifying me as it once would have. instead, i'm content with the playing that occurred. and grateful for the opportunity to thank the universe for each member of my family as i put away emma's books and crayons and papers, violette's teddy bears and dolls, theodore's blankets and toys, lovey's books, chewed up bottle caps, and socks.

my thursday things will be a bit different today, i want to remember this feeling of gratitude i'm basking in right now. so here are my thankfuls for today:

-the green-ness of green
-baby's hands & affection
-my sweater, growing row by row
-lovey's browns, lovey's reading face, oh! all of lovey
-violette's independence, rivaling rudolph's
-emma's all-knowing vocabulary (she told my mom the other evening, when mama was having a hard time with the carseats: "well, maybe you made the wrong selection")
-good folk songs
-big laughs
-project inspiration
-our home
-drizzle and the word "drizzle"
-"basin"
-the gift of language
-the overwhelming scent of clove.
-pumpkin cobbler
-reading in bed
-tea, especially chamomile
-paper maiche messes
-hopes of a handmade christmas
-approaching holidays and time with family and friends
-this feeling of being surrounded by love and goodness

poo-poo the naysayers, life is good and beautiful. it all depends on where you're looking. i'm making this promise, right now. i will stop entertaining the ideas there are devils lurking around every corner, hidden mean-ness in uttered words. there is enough darkness out there without my creating new drama. and when i'm full of gratitude and light, there is simply no room for the darkness. (and we all know dark is just an absence of light, an illusion.)

thursday things.

-encyclopedia of mythology
-fuzzmail.
-the arrow of time, family photos from 1976-present
-2nd favorite poem
-love, love, love these sculptures.
-the new avett brothers album came out tuesday, i love it. my favorite song: and it spread.

effie and jonnie, december 2002.

today is my brother jonnie's 22 birthday, i'm wishing and hoping this coming year is full of big adventures and excitement for him.

here's the mail, it never fails!

project 365: 104
Originally uploaded by mama-effie

emma and violette have recently become very interested in mail. they have received a few letters and cards and needed somewhere to keep them. i used the pattern from "handmade home", and whipped these little satchels up. violette chose the blue toile, and emma chose the red stripes, which i found to be appropriate. they have asked nearly hourly since i made them to read their notes with me. i'm so glad they have an appreciation for letters, i've always found handwritten letters and cards to be much more satisfying than an email or phone call. hooray for the usps! (and a quick hello to my favorite postman- rex!)

novel.

(click on austin to read the best novel ever!)

-brady's post about 'fork you bobby frost'.

my husband wrote a book...my husband wrote a book, a novel, a work of fiction. a book. have you written a book? i haven't written a book. i know very few people who have started, and finished, writing a book.

in november 2007, he decided to participate in nanowrimo. he wrote, he drank energy drinks, he worked all day and came home and wrote. he wrote, he ate candy bars, and he wrote. he wrote, he laughed and cried and wondered where the heck are these crazy characters taking us? and he wrote. and i read the pages one by one as they came off the typewriter, falling in love with this book, these characters, and brady all over again. on the sunday after thanksgiving, he finished. and it was celebratory and fabulous. (and we realized just how much work it was going to be to enter an entire novel onto the computer. it wasn't what one would call a fun task, but i'd do it again!)

after almost 2 years, i think that perhaps 3 or 4 people have read this novel. it has been listed on lulu, he has sent it to a few places, no one seems all that interested. and i realize that i'm biased, and i realize brady might not be the perfect marriage of rilke and bukowski, but he's darn close. and everyone, every single person, needs to read this book. not because brady penned it, not because i want everyone to recognize what a fabulous writer he is, but because we all need to stop and listen to the point of this book. it's about being kind, it's about loving each other. it's not just a riot and a hoot, it's important. and if you can't get over all the F-bombs and all the exclamation points, then perhaps you need to read it more than anyone else.

flashbacks.

while perusing my old notes on facebook, i found this little gem. only from february, it feels like it's been so much longer.

today is a beautiful day.
i woke up nestled between two beautiful ladies, who seem to migrate to my bed at some point in the middle of the nite. (violette has been waking up between 2 or 3 saying "oh, i'm really really really hungry" and then crawling up the stairs to our bed, where she crashes immediately.) my kitty was cuddled up at the foot of our bed, watching over us all, and my husband was playing footsie games with me under all the covers, pausing only to reach over to hit snooze on the alarm.

emma woke up, and we laid there talking about what we were going to do today, while brady started his day by turning on his "woody guthrie playlist" and telling his mom happy birthday on facebook. emma and i moseyed down the stairs in our jammies and fixed bowls of cereal and giggled at things like squirrels in the backyard and zeke barking at birds.

we watched an episode of "olivia" on nickjr.com, and i helped brady make his lunch and got him out the door, only after a rousing rendition of "the eagle and the hawk" by john denver, brady rushed out the door and emma and i were left talking at the breakfast table. she felt inspired to make a painting this morning, so i lugged out our suitcase of paints and brushes and all the goodies, (all the while, em is saying things like "mama, are you sure you're strong enough to carry that?") and got her set up. she was very excited that i had a leftover canvas and she got to use that instead of paper. after many mixed paints and good messes, we got all cleaned up and were a bit bummed out violette was still sleeping. she is so fun!

so we got dressed, mommy in a pair of brown maternity cargo pants from old navy and a harry potter t-shirt from the thrift store with black and white stripey socks and my worn, torn simple shoes, and emma in her "kitty" tshirt and "christmas pants" and absolutely never ever anything on her feet, we are now cuddling and counting coins from her coin purse while i type this.

and just now, she said "mama, i just love you".

my life is juicy, and sweet and tender. and i don't want to forget a single minute of it.

my problem with "art".

i've always been a wary of* "art" and those who claim to be "artists" of any stripe. and while i've never quite been able to put my finger on just why that is, tonite i received great clarity on the matter.

i've been thinking about this lately and i think it's that most people with a gift, or "skills", as the case may be, seem to enjoy putting down, or simply pointing out the flaws of, those without the same gifts or "skills". i know i'm so guilty of doing this. if i happen across a knitted object where the purl stitch was done backwards and caused the stockinette stitch to be twisted, i giggle and smile a smug smile of knowing. knowing the difference in knit and purl. knowing what stockinette stitch is. knowing that i'm right, and this object is so wrong. the sad thing is, i don't know.

i don't know if this is the first item that this particular person has knitted. and if they saw my smug smile, or heard my careless comments, they could be discouraged and not pick up knitting again. or this person may know full well that their knitting is twisted and they like it that way! there are many things i don't know, but acting this way only shows that i do know critical judgment, cynicism and pride*.

and this is especially important for those of us that claim to follow the ways of Christ. ^{Hebrews 3: 13} says "but encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." yes, i'm taking it out of context, but i think is so important that we encourage each other. and it's hard, i get it. it's way easier to make fun of something than it is to say "hey, that is awesome, you GO for making this!" (especially if someone is still in the learning phase, and their stuff sucks.) i mean, it's cheesy and oh so pollyanna to be nice, but it matters.

and guess what, instead of getting butthurt about my crappy n00b photography and giving up(which i really want to do. i admit, my panties are in a bit of a twist right now) i'm going to keep on snapping. and trying to get better. and i'm going to keep posting my pictures, because i'm proud of myself for doing something.

and hey! guess who else did something. my BFF vanessa. she did something i would never, ever do. because i'm scared of criticism and sharing my heart. but she's not! and we all get to experience something sweet and beautiful because of it. go check out nessa singing a lovely song and be blessed by her pretty voice and her sense of daring. i know i am.

so, let's all go make something beautiful and encourage someone attempting something new. and maybe soon we can all become artists and creators and reflections of the great creator we're supposed to be.

*1. and, conflictingly, drawn towards, but that's for another day.
*2. yes, i'm aware that this whole post was spurred on by critical judgment and cynicism... to quote hank hill: "it's called a double standard, bobby, live with it."

lastly, i apologize for the insane amount of run-on sentences that i seem to be so fond of writing.

creativity.

castle, by emma.

it has been one of my life goals to live a creative life & also pass on a love of imagination and creativity to my children.

lately, i've lost sight of the fact that there is so much beauty to capture and inspiration is everywhere, endless. my mindset has been one of muddling & floundering through the days, feeling a bit overwhelmed and sorry for myself for not having "time" to create.

i've fallen victim to the idea that if i'm not painting, knitting, or making something tangible, i'm not living creatively.

perspective is key here, i can make the same meal of curried cauliflower, rice & chapatis a culinary masterpiece or something i throw together because we have to eat. i can stop & really enjoy the scent of garam masala, appreciate the bright oranges & yellows, smile at the popping mustard seeds... or i can be grouchy, short and in a hurry. completely missing out on the simple beauty.

i can be open, and a witness to the miraculous moments in every day. or i can be so busy folding laundry i miss out on playing peekaboo with the clean towels or using the blankets to build a fort.

i can laugh at the 3000th couch cushion house, or get frustrated because i have to put it back. (taking all of 30 seconds!)

today, i will be here for my creative life, and just maybe i'll find some inspiration in there somewhere.

attempt.

Flying at Night
Above us, stars. Beneath us, constellations.
Five billion miles away, a galaxy dies
like a snowflake falling on water. Below us,
some farmer, feeling the chill of that distant death,
snaps on his yard light, drawing his sheds and barn
back into the little system of his care.
All night, the cities, like shimmering novas,
tug with bright streets at lonely lights like his.
-Ted Kooser

3.

1. thankful for emma, and her passion for flowers and all things glitter.
2. thankful for violette, and her love of running and playing and having fun.
3. thankful for theodore, and his desire to spend most of his time resting.

and especially thankful for lovey, who accommodates us all.

emma and violette as photographers.

the girls have developed quite an interest in taking photos lately, so we've been encouraging their budding creativity.

following is a selection of their work: