just some things i like at the moment.

-mint tea
-i find the grunting during women's tennis incredibly distracting/disturbing. apparently i'm not alone.
-lovey's latest post

-theodore is a month old today!

creativity.

castle, by emma.

it has been one of my life goals to live a creative life & also pass on a love of imagination and creativity to my children.

lately, i've lost sight of the fact that there is so much beauty to capture and inspiration is everywhere, endless. my mindset has been one of muddling & floundering through the days, feeling a bit overwhelmed and sorry for myself for not having "time" to create.

i've fallen victim to the idea that if i'm not painting, knitting, or making something tangible, i'm not living creatively.

perspective is key here, i can make the same meal of curried cauliflower, rice & chapatis a culinary masterpiece or something i throw together because we have to eat. i can stop & really enjoy the scent of garam masala, appreciate the bright oranges & yellows, smile at the popping mustard seeds... or i can be grouchy, short and in a hurry. completely missing out on the simple beauty.

i can be open, and a witness to the miraculous moments in every day. or i can be so busy folding laundry i miss out on playing peekaboo with the clean towels or using the blankets to build a fort.

i can laugh at the 3000th couch cushion house, or get frustrated because i have to put it back. (taking all of 30 seconds!)

today, i will be here for my creative life, and just maybe i'll find some inspiration in there somewhere.

all you need is love. (& a little bollywood?)

we're having some difficulties with clashing personalities over here. as in, emma and i basically have the same personality. and we clash. thanks to an unexpected visit from grammy, we made amends and she is now napping.

note to self: next time remember to breathe in, and breathe out... she is 4... is she hungry? sleepy? angry? lonely? feeling jealous?

and then i feel so.very.guilty for letting her get to me, and then making snappy comments to her. i am an adult, she is a child. who is expected to keep calm?

how do i remember to stay centered and loving? and when i do slip up, how can i be kind to myself and let it go after it's dealt with?

now i know why ariel gore refers to this as "the mother trip".



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the whole 3's thing is pretty weird... ed mcmahon, farrah, and mj.



but come on, folks die every day. i get it, these folks are special. famous. celebrities. but i'm more concerned with all the people who won't make it til dinner time because they don't have food or clean water. let's do something about that. (and did we all forget that MJ went totally kooks? and ya know, that whole little boy thing?) maybe there is a death cab sentiment for everything: "a bastard in life, thus a bastard in death".
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i love my husband. seriously. i've been thinking a lot about this encouragement thing. and while i've always recognized how hard he works and how much he loves me, i'm just really digging it right now. wanna see something cute? sure you do.

ants vs. grasshoppers vs. sloths.

i'm getting back in the swing of it, i've got the house cleaning back to normal & i'm working out the girls schedules... it's too hot to play outside past 9 & that is driving us all a little crazy. quiet time right now, vi is actually sleeping (!) & emma is "quietly" playing dress up. she keeps checking out her bedroom door to see if i can hear her.

i actually cooked dinner last nite! (cheese and bean burritos with yummy spicy rice) well, the girls, theodore and i cooked dinner... it was a party. i had theodore in the mei tai, emma and violette adding in spices & getting cheese everywhere... it was a blast! they also set the table, it was the cutest. violette put the forks on the plates, and the napkins were folded next to the cups.

and then i realized that i rarely let them really help me, because my standards are so high. of course they're never going to learn how to do anything if i'm doing everything for them. and i do it so whatever the task is will go faster or look nicer... i can be such a hypocite. and then i resent having to do everything for them, so which is it? forgive me, little wonders, for forgetting what is important.

starting tomorrow: the 30 day challenge to encourage my husband. i've tried this several times before and either forgot or gave up... this time i'm doing it all the way. it's cheesy as all get out, but maybe it will help me remember how hard he works when he forgets to take up the load of laundry for me*.

i'm ridiculously excited about both of these shows coming soon:

mewithoutYou, psalters & damien jurado
21/08/2009 7:00 tulsa, OK

&

The Avett Brothers

Date: 10/03/2009

Location: Midwest City, OK

violette is stirring & baby is done nursing, so off i go to prepare for another round of "go fish".


*last zinger for a month, hopefully!

odds and ends.

is it possible that this photo was taken nearly a month ago? time has gone from standing still to flying away!

it's 97 degrees... which is not quite 98 degrees.... which was certainly not quite the backstreet boys. pop culture, i love it. i do worry about my honey, though. it's so hot to be outside, working, all day. (a reiteration to lovey: drink water! wear your hat! stop to eat! call me lots, please!)

i had the most beautiful moment yesterday morning while eating breakfast. the girls & brady were chatting about the difference in "short stacks" and "stacks" of pancakes, i was nursing the baby and we were all enjoying scrambled eggs and pancakes and it was just so lovely and fulfilling, i thought my heart might explode with love.

i find it entirely too amusing that emma confuses the words "carton" and "curtain". right now, she is enjoying yogurt straight from the "curtain", and hanging in her room are lovely "cartons" that cheri made.

we have ants, and i've read that many other folks i know have ants. but most folks are looking for ways to eradicate them. (including my husband who is a fan of borax.) i, however, can't help myself, i love having a gigantic ant farm in the bathroom. they are fascinating! i realized this when i was in the kitchen a bit ago, and i found myself watching a trail of them and kind of lost track of time. well, not really, it was only a minute or so, because it was while i was waiting for my bagel to toast... still, i like ants.

i'm trying to learn how to take a decent picture, it's not as simple as i imagined. but not quite so complicated, either. if that makes any sense. (by the way, thanks aaron, for answering my silly questions!) on that note, i'm off to practice!

(violette is standing up on a chair, panting and saying "oh, i'm so scared for my life!!!!" kids are a hilarious trip.)

stories and prompts. (i so don't want to forget!)

violette just brought a doll to me, said "gowndma, say hi to flower!" apparently i'm a grandmother at 23.

theodore is already trying to roll over, he obviously doesn't understand that he our last baby. therefore, he needs to stay tiny for quite a bit longer. he has been nursing since about 9 this morning, nearly non-stop! we've taken breaks for diaper changes & water refills, i love it. also, today, the little mister looks like matt damon. weird!

the girls have been spending a lot of time coloring & making "sticker pages". they had a successful tea party with all their friends earlier, pictures to come :)

emma just headed to the kitchen to make lunch, she has a plastic egg & a crocheted cookie.

wednesday nite the lovely sara c. had a "meet theodore" party. it was great fun and good to see old and new friends and introduce theodore to his 405 folks. (hah!)

on the music front, today is a sufjan stevens and wilco kind of day.

remember...

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow,
For babies grow up, I've learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm nursing my baby, and babies don't keep.
-Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

not much to say...

trying to keep everyone fed, clean and slightly happy, it's a big task.
housework? hah. i do a 20 minute run around like a crazy woman stashing things and picking up the actual garbage and whatnot before brady gets home from work. this is not in my schedule written up in my google documents, not at all.
after all day nursing marathons, preschoolers screaming and destroying everything in sight (and otherwise) and attempting to cook and tidy up, i don't have the energy to think, let alone blog. then it's nurse all nite long and "wake up" to do it all again.
never really awake, and never really asleep.
i'll figure this out, i really will. it just takes a bit of tweaking and adjusting.

in other news, i weighed the baby yesterday- he's up to 9 pounds! 2 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks! pretty stoked about that.

well, it's breakfast time. violette wants popsicles.

visitors, introductions, and weekend fun.

big weekend! (or, it felt big to me)

friday nite my grandparents brought by a pot of stew for our supper (and lunch on saturday!) it was a nice little visit, and the girls were thrilled to show off their bedroom which they'd just cleaned.

saturday afternoon, brady's mom and sister came up from amarillo to meet theodore. we spent the afternoon and evening hanging out with them, and brady's brother, his wife and their kids. we had quite a housefull of little girls!

saturday evening we watched "the green mile", which i'd never seen, and further confirmed the fact that i dislike movies, and i should never watch a movie directly before bedtime.

this photo of teddy is the essence of our sunday.

attempt.

Flying at Night
Above us, stars. Beneath us, constellations.
Five billion miles away, a galaxy dies
like a snowflake falling on water. Below us,
some farmer, feeling the chill of that distant death,
snaps on his yard light, drawing his sheds and barn
back into the little system of his care.
All night, the cities, like shimmering novas,
tug with bright streets at lonely lights like his.
-Ted Kooser

3.

1. thankful for emma, and her passion for flowers and all things glitter.
2. thankful for violette, and her love of running and playing and having fun.
3. thankful for theodore, and his desire to spend most of his time resting.

and especially thankful for lovey, who accommodates us all.

oh beautiful morning.

finally "back to myself'"- i feel good.

last nite, my little family was sleeping, save f0r emma and i. we colored pictures, chatted about everything and had a great time together.

last nite, i was sitting on the front porch and recognized every thing in my life i'm truly grateful for. and i prayed for sad situations, and i hoped that things would all work themselves out, as things tend to do. and i felt so renewed and peaceful.

last nite, i cleaned the kitchen. i hadn't cleaned my kitchen in probably over a month. (thank you, mama and lovey!!) i cannot express how fulfilling it was to wash the dishes and wipe down the counters. i missed the kitchen, the heart of our home.

today is going to be magnificent.

in other news, i finished reading pygmy by chuck palahniuk. he's definitely got the chuck spark back! i was sorely disappointed in the last few that have come out (snuff, haunted...) so, it was nice to read a good chuck book, in all it's gore and slime and hilarity.

what great timing! speaking of slime, the baby just exploded a diaper on my lap, off to start my day!

(check out my project 365 on flickr.)

1986-present; 2004-forever.

here i am, and 23 at that.
i'm going to make a few "resolutions" on my birthday this year, i'm posting them for accountability.

-23 will be the year of consistency. i will be consistent in parenting my children, i will be consistent in taking care of my home. i will be consistent in treating my husband with the kindness and respect he deserves, at all times. i will be consistent in maintaining my well being: physically, mentally, spiritually.
-23 will be the year of project 365. i will do this!
-23 will be the year of perfecting tortilla making. not too fluffy, not too thin, but perfect pillows of puffy dough, best slathered with butter and honey.



















this photo was taken 5 years ago, on the day the government recognizes as our wedding day. i was ecstatic at becoming mrs. crandall, and i still am. i remember the first piece of mail we got for "mrs. brady crandall", i about peed my pants with excitement. (i know, i know, so horribly unfeminist of me. the horrors!)

there are really no words to convey to anyone else on the planet just how much we're in love. how in love we were 5 years ago, and how much more now.

i frequently hear people talking about how difficult marriage is, how hard it is to stay with the same person forever, and i don't understand this. marriage isn't hard work for us, it's fun! brady is my best friend in the whole world, and i am his. i suppose i should count my many blessings, because i know not many folks have that kind of gift.

have a beautiful day, friends.

it's not you, really, it's me.

the craziest thing occurs when i've just given birth, i want to hide. seriously, being a hermit never sounds like such a good idea until i'm a week postpartum. i want to turn off my phone, computer, and any other device i can be reached at, and simply vanish for a few weeks. and i know how absolutely selfish this sounds, and that makes me feel awfully guilty. so, i just want to let everyone know, i'm not ignoring you on purpose, it's just these crazy hormones. in a few weeks, i'll emerge as myself. until then, though, you might want to steer clear.

in other news, things are going well. we are adjusting to having one more person in the clan. it's give and take and cries and giggles, but it's going to be just fine.

it's summer in OK! holy moly, it's hot.

lastly, i've been feeling a bit down and not quite normal the last few days, (i DID just give birth a week ago hah) so here is my bit of hope.

"I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his children begging for bread." -ps. 37:25

happy birthday love!

today is my sweet love's 26th birthday. this is the 7th birthday we've had together, and each year outweighs the previous in love and joy.

let's go to the beach for our birthdays, one of these days.